saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
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