I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
