dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
