Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
