you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
