Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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