Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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