You can't special order awesome
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
this boner is exhausting
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
