i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
