this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
