I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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