dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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