why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
