There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
