very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize