So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
