Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
