Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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