dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
