if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
