i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
