i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
