but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
