this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Reggie can tackle my bush.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
