If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
