Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
pray to the hookup gods
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
