I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
