I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize