to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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