I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
i out mim tonsoeep
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