I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
