i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
