Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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