so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
