The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
