Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
