You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
