Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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