I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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