she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
