I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
