6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
