dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
