i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
