spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Randomize
