..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
No subtext here. People are naked.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
