I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
