Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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