You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Randomize
