: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
