You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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