i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
