I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize