I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
