he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
