I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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