She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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