new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
