I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
