I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
