I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Randomize
