I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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