I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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