birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
