Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
foreskin is a definite game changer
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
