Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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