The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I understand Curling. That high.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
