pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
True strength comes from lack of pants
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
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