Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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