If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
