I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize