I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
