its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
