The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
