If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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