I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
She is in my trunk
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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