I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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