i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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