alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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