You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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