I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
