I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
