im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
