it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
