I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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