Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
