bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
