So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I need to calm my uterus...
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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