too bad you live with your parents still
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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