the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
