Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
