oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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