why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
