we made out on top of his cat.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
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