I could have mohawked her pubes.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
