We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
