i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
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