This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
