why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
