Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
