Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
