Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
