Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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