but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
