you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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