Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
